People have made a lot of hay out of GOP hopeful Rick Santorum’s recent remarks about family values. Hey, it’s pretty much a known fact that kids do better when they have a loving Mom and Dad.
Then there’s the sex part of it. Seems that some people, mostly men, but some women too, think that having fun and going from partner to partner is great. Yeah, it’s great if you want to die lonely and alone. Here’s one expert’s opinion on this phenomenon;
“Adam” recently wrote me with this question: “Should I be tolerant when it comes to a girlfriend hanging out with ex lovers? They are not people she dated, but people she has slept with. Recently, she blew me off for a “friend” coming into town, and I found out the “friend” was someone she had a threesome with, and the friend was spending the night at her apartment. She was not upfront or honest about it. She had other recent ex- lovers she wanted to hang out with, too. I broke it off, because I’m not cool with it. I said she should give these people up if she wants to be with me or at least make the effort to explain why I should be comfortable with it. Did I do the right thing?”
My answer is for Adam, and for anyone else going through a similar scenario. There are major red flags all over this “relationship.” No, it’s not okay to have threesomes, and it’s not okay to have someone you once had a threesome with spend the night with you while you blow off your boyfriend. It’s not okay, that is, if you want a committed relationship that is built around love and fidelity.
What are your values? What is okay and not okay with you? If you don’t have any sexual boundaries yourself, you can’t expect your partner to have them. But if you do have moral and emotional boundaries about sex, then date someone who shares your values. You are fooling yourself if you think the other person will change. If you are not clear about your own values with regard to sexuality, that’s a great reason to get counseling or coaching.
There’s more to the advise column, but the gist of it is…Men and women should make sure that the person they’re dating has the same moral values they do. The principle purpose of sex is procreation, but the reason it feels so damn good is because if it didn’t, then people wouldn’t “do it” and the human race would have died out a long time ago.