People In Hell Want Ice Water, But…

…They’ll settle for a Ron Paul presidency, if what Stacy McCain’s report says is true.

The indubitable Mr. McCain, who is on another road trip bringing us local flavor from the primaries in Michigan, has returned to Hell…Hell, Michigan, that is. Here’s an excerpt from his report;

On my way from Troy to Grand Rapids — site of Rick Santorum’s Michigan primary victory party tonight — I got a late start and realized I wouldn’t make it in time for Senator Santorum’s 3 p.m. event at his campaign office there. That’s when it hit me: I should go back to Hell.

Saturday night’s trip was fun, but I hadn’t done much actual political reporting during that visit, so clearly I needed a return trip to answer the question, “How is the turnout in Hell?”

You might think Hell would be full of Democrats, but an informal Saturday night survey of patrons at the Dam Site Inn revealed that there were a lot of Mitt Romney and Ron Paul supporters there, and so I reset the GPS and made my way back through Pinckney and hooked a left on the road to Hell.

Arriving at the general store and post office — Hell in a Handbasket — the place was empty except for the manager, who was working in Hell’s Kitchen, preparing the cilantro dijon garlic mayo for their Hellacious Cuban Sandwich. This sounded tempting, and when the manager asked if I would like one, I said, “Oh, Hell, yes!”

Stacy does answer one question that’s probably been on people’s minds;

By the way — for those of you who have asked since Saturday — no, it wasn’t frozen over.

He also found out they don’t serve coffee in Hell, either. God, the humanity!

After his short stay in Hell, Stacy made his way to his office away from home, a local McDonalds where he could hook up to their free Wi-Fi because besides there being no coffee in Hell, they aint got no Wi-Fi either.

So then I drove down here to the McDonald’s in Pinckney to get online and file my report because, of course, there is no WiFi in Hell.

As for predictions tonight, all I can say is that as I drove to Hell and back, the only campaign signs I saw were for Ron Paul.

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